If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
