I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
