I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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