so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
