Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize