I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
