she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You smell like stripper and shame
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
