If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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