Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
