omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
