Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
