I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
