if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
