from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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