other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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