AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
