at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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