I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
