watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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