U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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