sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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