If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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