NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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