Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
