4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
