Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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