there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You dont lie about slip and slides
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
