i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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