The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
