How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
