I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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