I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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