I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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