so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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