Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
