Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
