so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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