Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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