Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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