some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
