I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
