last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
