I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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