i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's shark week go big or go home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
