did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
