What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My vagina is officially offended.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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