don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
