so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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