If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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