I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
