Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
