I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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