Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
