I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
