he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
