My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
