Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
