i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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